How to survive fear and stop your suffering
How to survive fear and stop your suffering and reach peace of mind.
How to stop suffering and access freedom | Peter Crone| Unstoppable #64 by Kerwin Rae
What’s it’s all about:
Redesigning people’s idea of their identities and changing the preinstalled limiting beliefs that we all have as human beings. Introduce the dimension beyond their sub-conscience mind and rejigging their thought patterns.
Peter Corone, is a Personal Trainer who wanted to offer multi-services, like health- yoga, pilates and so on, not just fitness. He has a master Bachelor’s degree “Field Of Study Human Biology and Exercise Physiology” (the ‘ATP and all that’) and a Master’s degree Of Study Information Technology” at Loughborough University,
The fear of loss– he was orphan at 17, mum died at 7 of cancer, dad at 17 in a boat accident in Dover/ Calais.
(My Twin brother Philippe died when we were almost 17)
How to process that? Massive loss and sadness with the knowledge of being an orphan at just 17 years old.
His girlfriend at the time- when he was 25 years old or so, left and he went into a state of fear of loss, again and then into awakening. He then realised the nature of life is uncertainty.
We as human has a component within us to find certainty in uncertainty. We crave certainty.
(When my twin brother died at 17, I couldn’t cope so I tried to tell myself he had never been, never existed, never lived. You can’t grieve someone THAT much if they have never existed. It didn’t work that well.)
If the nature of life is uncertainty it doesn’t matter what I try it will still stay the same but you will be exhausted in the process of trying. (and trust me I have tried and tried)
Life is the unknown and he was totally comfortable with that.
Eric Tolle sat on a bench and had his enlightening. “Who’s that man always sitting by himself on that park bench? He looks so peaceful. What’s his secret? Let’s go talk to him. And so a new spiritual teacher was born.” Eric Tolle On suffering:
‘The pain that you create now is always some form of non-acceptance, some form of unconscious resistance to what is. On the level of thought, the resistance is some form of judgment. On the emotional level, it is some form of negativity. The intensity of the pain depends on the degree of resistance to the present moment, and this in turn depends on how strongly you are identified with your mind.”
Peter sat and asked himself: am I going to be ok? Questions that he didn’t know the answers to. He had tried to find answers to the suffering and the uncertainty.
The answer was: I don’t know and he was ok with that! That is the answer.
That’s total freedom and peace of mind in NOT knowing. Total surrender.
The relief that hit him was mind blowing. ( This is was Russells Brunson says about accepting the now- ‘what is’ to be able to go to ‘what if’ and grow)
How people see Peter- awaking with Buddha style mixed with Einstein and a pop idol, within 15 minutes from he had this epiphany, the phone rings. It’s the girl that had left 7-8 weeks previously. Just like that! She says – “I miss you so much” and is crying.
But a shift within Peter had taken place. What Peter got out off that was:
The should and understanding of the energetic energy, the entanglement– how A is on B once they have joined up, they are inter depending on each other.
(Entanglement. A and B are ‘interlinked’, if one is up the other is down, which will change the original ‘whole’ as such. If one is in one state the other will have a certain state as well depending on what type of entanglement they have together. If one has a spin down then the other must have a spin up, they only have this fixed value when we observe it. They are correlated but we don’t know how they are until we observe them. Once one is measured the other is concluded to have it’s correlated value/ state. Einstein thought, that these electrons have some sort of properties that had them fixed already, not knowing what it was. A property that we couldn’t measure. Then he went over to ‘Hidden variables’. Are these variables predicted by something hidden or is it a predicted fixed state? If you like to read more about entanglement, please check the link below and listen to the full YouTube video. )
Back to Pete again, he had shifted his energy now and the fear had left so he was available as him. She had to go for him to have this epiphany and success. His shield had dropped, his fear gone, he was transpirable available, and hence she came back. Peter was no longer emotionally unavailable.
As he dropped his shield he was for the first time truly available to her. He had come from a place of ‘fear of loss of her’, now he came from a place of intimacy- energetically. Even though, they where now ‘closer’ they were further away from each other than ever before, due to the laws of entanglement. This happens here, his epiphany, and simultaneously the other thing happens over there, she being more ‘distant’ to him than ever before, but wanting to connect and be together again as he has opened up ‘inside of him’ he is emotionally available now.
His fear dropped, and she felt that she could reach out. But by then he had moved on.
“The greater the pain the greater the awakening.” (I don’t agree with that as my awakening took 40 years.)
Pete comes from Love.
You are not alone. (To be able to grow and have an insight you need to come from Love, to share Loving Kindness) Have faith and trust in your life as it’s developing just as it should. For you to grow. Even if you don’t understand it now.
The circumstances of your life are aligning for your benefits.
When things fall into place as they are intended to be, one can look back and see the benefits from the struggle that has made you unravel new potentials within you and you have in the end grown.
The struggle was a hidden blessing.
The faith thing is still unresolved and we don’t fully understand it, but the events in my life are transpiring to my benefits.
We are not victims of life we are beneficial to it.
This is so important to embrace. Adknowledge that through adversity we are becoming a bigger and better version of our self.
How to get the insight quicker- realise it’s nothing wrong.
- Things are exactly the way they are.
- Because that’s the way they are!
- We think we know how things should be. Are you in charge of the universe?
- We think we know how things should be and how other people should act and behave.
You complain about your sister, your mother is the same thing as you complaining that the sun is in the wrong place. It has no bearing and doesn’t make sense.
The freedom itself to accept ‘this’ as things are and have faith that “Things are exactly the way they are.” and they are supposed to be that way. As they are.
Pete had a new frequency and was sending out a different type of energy, no longer based in fear and to be left behind.
- He encountered opportunities that were unpredictable and mind blowingly big.
- He allowed life to surprise him.
- Life is not a potential threat.
- Life was something he could predict, it made total sense.
It was beyond the sense of knowing, it was more a gut feeling inside, intuitive. People on a high level of vibration, energy, successful athletes, CEO’s etc, suddenly came into Pete’s life as clients. He changed his vibration, the energy he sent out and he attracted people on that new same vibration and it was nothing weird with that. It made total sense.
He surrendered but also felt a need to share his epiphany and to help the suffering around him.
Loise Hay, affirmations, Peter’s take on affirmations: He says that they are the belief that something is wrong again, but he says nothing is. It is what it is and what it is meant to be. Peter says his state is meditative, he is in the now, present here and now. Being interconnected with myself here and now.
To be here with you now is meditation, for Peter.
He wants to guide people to freedom, where there is no conflict in life. Not to react to the lack of freedom, but to accept things as they are.
If you want something you acknowledge that you do not have it now.
(My question here to Peter would be- How do I then go from A to Z as I want this and that and sending out my wanting and desires/dreams is one of the laws of attraction. I see it in my minds eye, by affirmations and visualisations, I set the mouvements going by wanting it, not being needy and needing it, but wanting it- like what ‘Napoleon Hill’ and ‘Abraham’ talk about in their books and ‘The Secrets’ suggest one should do.)
If you are in the now, the state, the flute, in the ‘presence’, whatever name you give it, if you are in that state there is no suffering, according to Peter. ( I totally agree with that.)
I have an intimate relationship with reality, I’m where I’m supposed to be.
The resistance of what is is the suffering.
If you are ok with things as they are you avoid suffering. ( If you accept this as they are and are grateful to what you have, you will change your energy- your frequency to gratitude and attract more things and events to be grateful for.)
Intuitive, we are entitativity and sensitivity, we are sentient beings. (All beings, including plant life and even inanimate objects or entities considered “spiritual” or “metaphysical” are or may be considered sentient beings. Sentient beings as a class broadly encompasses all beings possessing consciousness, including Buddhas and Bodhisattvas. Sentient beings are composed of the five aggregates, or skandhas: matter, sensation, perception, mental formations and consciousness)
Peter doesn’t solve problems he dissolves them.
You think something is wrong, you can’t run X fast enough, you are not slim/ clever/ pretty -, you are not [blank]. You have a belief that you have a problem, all based in history. You then perpetuate that something is wrong, which causes it to continue and build up. What you are fighting is your history. It is what it is, once you find peace with that! You are all good.
You can then start having freedom, to understand that the disillusion of not being able to perform, is the thought that there is a lack of some sort. There isn’t.
Once you accept that it is what it is, and you are ok with that, you can perform as you want to perform.
When you live, you get hurt, you protect yourself and that is a barrier for true intimacy, which is why most relationships don’t work as most of us have had heartbreak. You will then go into a new relationship with greater protection, which seems logical but stops your new relationship to start and flourish in the first place and on the circle goes.
The judgement of our self creates suffering.
Ie. smoking in itself has no bad attachment to it. It is what we link with smoking. Of course, it isn’t good for your health, but as a subjective story, as a ‘lost performative- a value judgement’, ( who says? By what standard are you judging? NLP)
If you were ok with smoking, you had no judgement about it, you wouldn’t think you are bad, you wouldn’t think it was bad. You were totally free around the boundaries of the behaviour of smoking, how would you feel?
You would feel so relieved! When you sit there in that state, in that state of relived (freedom from judgement) do you need a cigarette?
He smiled and really got it. You don’t judge smoking, you judge yourself.
Judgement over yourself creates suffering, we all want to escape suffering, you just find it in nicotine. Then it becomes a physiological habit, but it’s all the precursor of your history, that somewhere in your life you have established some sort of worthlessness. Somehow you are not enough- welcome to the game of being human!
But as that is still driving your identity, you now have solace through cigarettes. When you realise it’s nothing wrong with you, the need and the wanting to have a cigarette goes away just like that. The same thinking goes with overeating and pain, any ‘habit’ you have created to avoid feeling pain and to suffer.
- When you say bad things they stay and create a false belief in the person you are addressing, they will undoubtedly tap into that ‘talk’ over the years and it will confirm their beliefs that they are not good enough. They will then create an ‘escape vent’ to cope with that belief, be it anger, overeating, pain etc. We all want to escape suffering and we do it in different ways.
It’s first when you realise it’s nothing wrong with you, the need and the wanting to have that picture of yourself- this forerunner of your history, that somewhere in your life you have established some sort of worthlessness, you are not enough, that you can let go of that inner picture of yourself and that belief. You become free.
Kewin mentions his issues.
WHAT BODY TYPE ARE YOU?
Wood, Fire, Earth, Metal or Water
Trapped heat that within. You can be more explosive when you are mostly a fire person. Trapped heat and your body is trying to release it in the way of your type:
As you are a fire type, ( Kewin) or a mix of types, the ailment will try to release it in the way fire/ wood travels- which is through the liver, gallbladder, eyes, and the skin, A lot of fire needing to come out.
Extra: The five generating interactions are fueling, forming, containing, carrying, and feeding:
- Wood fuels fire.
- Fire forms earth (volcanoes, ash, etc.).
- Earth contains metal.
- Metal carries water (buckets, pipes, etc.).
- Water feeds wood (trees, plants, etc.).)
Extra: Symptoms of Imbalance:
- The liver, gallbladder, splen, tendons, ligaments, overindulging, irregular menstrual cycle, PMS symptoms and sinews are all controlled by the Wood element.
- The Fire element handles the circulatory, glandular and immune systems. This includes the heart, small intestine and the lymphatic system. Insomnia and mild anxiety, Cardiovascular problems. Indigestion, bloating and nausea.
- The Water element rules the kidneys, bladder, bones, nerves and teeth. Tendency to feel fearful, anxious, withdrawn, problems with water balance, frequent urination, fertility problems, menopausal symptoms, cold extremities, arthritis conditions, low libido, hearing problems, tinnitus. ( born 1962 Feb. 5, 1962 – Jan. 24, 1963 Water Tiger)
- The Earth element rules the digestive and structural systems within the body. This includes the stomach, spleen and muscles. Vulnerable to digestive problems like bloating, gas, constipation or diarrhoea. Craving sweet food.
- The Metal element rules the intestinal, respiratory and skin systems, as well as assisting with the immune system- grief stricken, prone to illnesses of lungs, asthma, allergies, skin rashes, excessive sweating)
We have an inbuilt fear of losing things that we perceive as valuable.
Surrenedor, acceptance, talk openly about it in front of all, vulnerable and authentic, love and acceptance in all that which is the cooler softer approach, to the heart and the anger.
The more you can raise the qualities of love, acceptance, compassion, more off the feminine side, where that little boy or girl got hurt, upset, the more you will release the fire burning inside. You might have transformed into a strong and hard person to avoid feeling the pain, as you ‘vent’, being a little more forceful, a little bit more angry. Anger is an adaptation to hurt.
Emotions– to reflect over them but also avoid spices- in your diet- hot, spicy food to be avoided, as well as alcohol, as they add on more heat to the system.
Parents separated when he was 6 months old. ( My dad died when we were 3 months old) Kerwin Rae waited until he was 36-38 to get married. ( I married when I was 36 years old)
“Kevin wanted to marry once and make it right. “
He was seeking unavailable intimacy. (Ways to protect yourself from being vulnerable in a relationship include: needing a lot of space; not putting a lot of effort into the relationship or making a large emotional investment; being impersonal and disconnected; working too much; not having enough time for the relationship or making an intimate partner too)
Being afraid of being hurt and receiving and giving love.
What’s the trap in these words?
When Kerwin described that the parents split up when he was 6 months old, there is a lot of judgement in that. I’m going to wait until I’m 36, so I get it right. Do it right. What’s implied in that statement? Perfectionism, trying to get it right. What’s applied in that in the subtext about your childhood?
It wasn’t right. If you are trying to get it right, what are you saying?
He is 44 and by so have over 4 decades of judgements. ( I’m over 50 so I have 5 decades of judgements.)
Think about that. That’s a long time. That’s a lot to carry. To protect yourself from/ avoid suffering.
Was your parents leaving and separating, when you where 6 months wrong? – No it was perfect, is his answer.
Peter then say, let’s drop ‘perfect’ as I’m not a fan, as that is a subjective experience. (‘Like ‘She is beautiful’- ‘ Who says’ / ‘By what standards do you judge?’ according to NLP, ie. Meta Models: Distortions, Lost performative.)
Kewin had judgment about that event. 4 decades of energetic load, emotional friction, emotional weight, burden.
You have an accumulated judgement = friction of 44 years of resistance towards that event, that happened 4 decades ago.
44 years of friction, that creates a massive amount of heat. You will create a protection mechanism, a force, of control, and judgement towards something by your virtue of wanting to get it right.
- -What if you could right now here with me, collapse 4 ½ decade of judgement into complete and utter surrender and acceptance? ( my heart is pounding).
- -That would be amazing.
- Peter: -I’m going to ask you a question and you can only answer yes or no.
- Was it wrong that your parents separated when you were 6 months?
- Kewin: -No.
- Say it again.
- Peter: – Was it wrong that your parents separated when you were 6 months?
- Kewin: -No.
- Peter: – Have you had it prior to my questioning that it was wrong?
- Kewin: – Yes
- Peter: – What was the expense to you emotionally looking back at that, as what happen wasn’t supposed to happen?
- Kewin:- I have lived in fear all my life. Fear of relationships. Fear of being hurt, fear of abonnement, fear of never being enough, fear of not being loved.
- If you only want to do it once to get it right, What are you afraid off?
- Being wrong.
Feel the pressure of that. 4 ½ decade of trying of not doing it wrong, of fear, fear that if you find intimacy it would go.
Now you are feeling it, right? And you wondered why you had a whole in your heart.
It’s only because of a psychological relationship to a history that you are looking at shouldn’t be as it was.
You wouldn’t be here if your parents hadn’t divorced when you were 6 months old. For that reason it’s not only wrong, it’s actually a blessing. (We were born 1963, my dad died 1963, 1963 my mum left us with first godmother then with grandma for three years, my grandpa died 1969, my twin brother died 1979, my grandma died 1987, my stepdad left 1989, we had to sell our house 2015, and we moved to a shoe box, then into a nice farm house 2018.)
It is precisely what was supposed to happen.
- Do you know why?
- Because! It was what happened.
(And I wouldn’t be the person I’m today if all that hadn’t happen and there is no way I could have stopped it from happening) (I still struggle with that bit that I wasn’t able to stop Philippe from dying as I was the older twin and it was my ‘job’ to look after him)
If people take one thing from this podcast- that would be that statement. They will find peace, and complete reconciliation with everything that has happened in their history.
“What happened happened. And couldn’t have happened any other way, because it didn’t.” By Peter Cone
Only we with our narrative can say otherwise.
Reality- what happen- and our conversation about what happened, is what creates our suffering.
- Peter: – Was it wrong that your parents separated when you were 6 months?
- Kewin: -No.
In the absence of the judgment of that event, what comes available to you? Releasing, letting go of that thought pattern, it wasn’t wrong- your history.
Not wasn’t it not just not wrong, it was exactly was supposed to be, to have happened, for which reason you are a very blessed person, because the difference you can make and are making in people’s lives right now, thanks to your history.
If all judgement off 4 ½ decades of friction of judgment- is all gone- how do you feel?
LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE ( almost makes me a bit tearful)
How does your body feel? Lighter. softness, peace.
The more you feel into this, the more you are able to feel acceptance, to surrender, the more that judgment and that friction will cease to cover you and your organs.
That excess heat will dissipate.
- I got to get it right. Clutches fists – see and feel the tension. That’s pressure. That’s judgement.
We want to love the little child, not protect the child, we want to hold the child, but we do not want to heal the child.
The ego doesn’t want to be healed it wants to be held. Think about that for a second.
Whatever happened 5 minutes ago, or 20 hours ago or 4 decades ago is precisely what was supposed to happen.
- Because that was what happened.
- If you can find peace and acceptance with that. You will be a different human being.
Peter: – Thank you for having the courage to relieve and to be transparent in front of me, so that I could hold a space of love and acceptance so that you can now hold that for yourself.
- You can have the love and the acceptance for the little child that was under the impression that things didn’t go the way they were supposed to.
There is no thing like getting it right. We are all human and we don’t mess things up. What happens are supposed to happen. You are doing your best like everybody else. To allow yourself that gift of humanity. Not knowing what will happen but have faith.
How will you help, well we just did.
All these limiting beliefs are fabricated and created by ourself in our mind.
- Peter: – Was it wrong that your parents separated when you were 6 months?
- Kewin: -No.
- Peter: – Is there anything wrong with you?
- Kewin: – No.
What does that feel like?
It’s one thing to know that it’s nothing wrong with me, but feeling it is another thing.
I’m ok would mean that you thought you weren’t…. And on it can go! Compensation contra realisation aren’t the same things.
There is nothing wrong and there is nothing to figure out.
PTSD stress, looking out for potential threats. He became a bodybuilder to protect himself with mass. ( I put on weight)
- I invite you to become a complete softy.
When you become available, present in the now, and let go of you fear and judgment of your history/ events in the past or the perceived future, as they were supposed to happen exactly the way they did, you become free from your idea or made up story that you are not enough [blank}.
We want to fit in, we want to belong. Don’t belong. Dare to stand out! Embrace your uniqueness, freakness if you will.
- The intimacy that is absent with other people is a reflection of the intimacy that is absent with yourself.
If you embrace your heritage and don’t resist it, you get closer to who you really are. And become more intimate with yourself.
We turn judgment into gratitude.
Learn how to separate an event from an emotion.
You have just been through what you have been through, what was needed for you.
And what happend?
It’s exactly the way the universe had it mapped out.
I loved this podcast that you can listen to in full on Youtube. Links are all below. I have some questions about some comments that conflict with my existing beliefs. But I do feel a certain relief when I think and feel that what happen, happen and it was meant to happen and I’m at peace with it, It’s ok, or at least more than I was some hours ago.
What do you think? Do share below.
And as always,
Let’s not be average- lets chose to do a little bit better today than yesterday, let’s be extraordinary!
Health and Fitness with Beatrice
Links and sources:
Start by doing something that makes you feel successful and full of joy start positive and set the day!
My dream is to offer the best information and services possible in the Four Pillars of Fitness, Nutrition, Accountability and Mental Wellness.